My children have to share a room at mine. Is that a problem?

For most children, no — sharing at one parent’s home is extremely common and children adapt quickly. Give each child some space that is unambiguously theirs within the room, and revisit the arrangement as teenagers, when privacy starts to matter more.

Should the children have a say in how the flat is decorated?

In their own space, yes — as much say as you can stand. Ownership is the fastest route to belonging. A wall colour they chose or bedding they picked does more than anything you could choose for them.

What if my place is temporary and I’ll move again soon?

Do the cheap, portable version anyway: their bedding, a box of their things that stays, their pictures on the wall with washi tape. 'Temporary' can last a year, and children live in the meantime. Belonging travels — the point is that some of their life is permanently at yours.

Making your new place feel like home for your children

Children do not need square footage. They need to know where their toothbrush is. How to turn a new address into their other home.

Many separated parents move into somewhere smaller, plainer and emptier than the family home — and then worry that the children will feel it. Here is the reassuring truth: children do not audit property. They notice whether they belong somewhere, and belonging is built from specifics, not square footage.

A camp bed in a room with their drawings on the wall and their cereal in the cupboard beats a pristine spare room that looks like a hotel. You can build belonging deliberately, and most of it costs very little.

Start with sleep

Before anything decorative, get the sleeping arrangements right — a proper bed or decent mattress each, bedding they chose themselves, a bedside light, and their pyjamas living in a drawer rather than travelling in a bag.

Bedding they picked from a supermarket shelf does more for belonging than any amount of furniture. The pyjamas point matters more than it looks: things that stay are what make a place theirs. A packed bag says visitor; a full drawer says home.

Give them ownership

Belonging follows control. Let the children make real decisions about the place, one per visit if you like.

One item for their room each visit — a poster, a plant, a lamp from a charity shop.
Their artwork on the walls within the first month, framed or taped, but visible.
A shelf or cupboard that is theirs alone, even in a small flat.
A say in real household choices: the film-night snacks, the colour of their towels, what Saturday breakfast is.

The essentials list

The fastest way to make visits feel routine rather than special-occasion is for the ordinary stuff of their lives to already be there.

Toothbrushes, hairbrush, and any medication they take
Spare school uniform and PE kit
Pyjamas, underwear and socks for the days they are with you
Phone and tablet chargers
Their cereal, their snacks, the milk they actually drink
Wellies and a waterproof — the weekend-walk kit

None of this is glamorous. All of it removes the low-level friction that makes children feel like guests.

Small traditions beat big gestures

The instinct after separation is to make every visit an event — days out, treats, activity-packed weekends. It comes from a good place, and it exhausts everyone while teaching the children that time at yours is a performance.

What children remember and rely on is repetition: Friday-night pizza and a film, Saturday-morning pancakes, the same walk to the same café. Pick one or two and defend them. An ordinary, reliable rhythm is the whole point — it is what home means.

Do not compete with the other house

The children will compare homes out loud, sometimes tactlessly. It is observation, not judgement, and it needs nothing from you but a level response. The moment you start competing — on space, on treats, on rules — the children become scorekeepers in a game nobody wins.

Your house does not need to match anywhere else. It needs to be somewhere they know the rules, know where things live and know they are wanted. That is a thing you can build in a month, on a budget, starting with a duvet cover.

Common questions

My children have to share a room at mine. Is that a problem?: For most children, no — sharing at one parent’s home is extremely common and children adapt quickly. Give each child some space that is unambiguously theirs within the room, and revisit the arrangement as teenagers, when privacy starts to matter more.
Should the children have a say in how the flat is decorated?: In their own space, yes — as much say as you can stand. Ownership is the fastest route to belonging. A wall colour they chose or bedding they picked does more than anything you could choose for them.
What if my place is temporary and I’ll move again soon?: Do the cheap, portable version anyway: their bedding, a box of their things that stays, their pictures on the wall with washi tape. 'Temporary' can last a year, and children live in the meantime. Belonging travels — the point is that some of their life is permanently at yours.